I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
