That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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