Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
