There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
