Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
