"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
