just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
