WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
