My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
