so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize