By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
