Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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