8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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