i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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