he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My bed smells like the plague
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
