great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
