i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
honey bunches of taint.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
