maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
