if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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