he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
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