I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Couch. On fire.
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