you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize