It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
