is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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