Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
