You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
