Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
