I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
