I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
His nipple licking is glorious
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