OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize