I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
