The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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