I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
