So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
