Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My legs feel like baby dolphins
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