I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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