It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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