I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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