tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
