real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
