every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
