Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
