Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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