You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
