I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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