Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
