How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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