they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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