And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I looked at my own cervix.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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