My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
