don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize