We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
