So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just gift wrapped bread.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
