yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize