I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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