thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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