I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
