i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I have aggressive nipples.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
