If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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