speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
