Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
