First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
