Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The power of my boobs compel you
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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