so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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