John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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