The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
