ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
