I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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