mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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