Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
