why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
