she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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