But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
What a dumb baby whore.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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