i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
