Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
